Of course I deserve a depression, because you have probably said that one thing to that one girl that one time which could have been interpreted in a wrong way. Maybe you should think about what you could have done differently all night, as well as about how to apologize. That is odd, you already apologized, but the girl did not take it the wrong way at all. But of course, you are in school. Within 2 minutes you will say something stupid again, which will cause you to lie away the next night, thinking about what y ou did wrong.
This is weird!
You probably think: 'What am I reading now?' The above two paragraphs, however, come from a testimonial of someone who has had depression. For her, this sounds so stupid now, but that is how she was thinking for years. This is what was logical to her. The thought that you deserve a depression, because look at how much you do wrong in one day, goes together with the statements above. It thus does not need to be logical, but these thoughts have such deep roots, that they start to seem logical after some time.
Depression and the environment?
For someone with depression it is often difficult to go out with depression. Many people do not know what it entails. Oftentimes, the following response is given: 'Come on, it will pass eventually'. But depression does not just pass. It goes much further than feeling bad. It is the feeling that you deserve it. After a while you even do not know anymore how it is to not be depressed.
Do I really deserve depression?
You do not deserve to be depressed. This might be easily said, but it is the truth. It is not because you check your tongue the entire day, that you are responsible for eventual sensitivities of other people. Depression also often develops in puberty, where it is almost normal that people find it difficult to deal with their emotions. This is something you can consider, but you are not responsible for other people. Furthermore, people with depression are often the target of bullying, because they often apologize or isolate themselves. Of course, this does not help you when it comes to the feeling that you deserve it.
It is not because nobody understand what depression entails that you do not deserve to get help. Learn to once again be confident when walking through a crowd. Find out what you like to do. Enjoy the life with people who validate you. It is possible! There are different centers where you are welcome for a talk or eventual help. If this step seems too large for you to take, you can always sign up for the online self-help program. This program was put together by doctors and psychologists and guides you every day in reaching your goals.